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I tried to write a few things about what Vinnie is doing now, cooing and such, in his baby book. I guess I haven't written in it since the day after he was born. Basically it has some stuff from when I was pregnant like "My dreams and hopes for you are..." and it also has the date he was born with the weight and height. So I tried to fill in some other stuff but got really pissed. "My thought when you were born were..." I thought "Wow, you have Down syndrome". I could go on with the list of things it wanted me to fill in and I have two books for him so it's double but I will just say most of the answers were "Down syndrome". I wasn't all upset about it when he was born. I knew the moment I looked at him and I was fine with it. So it wasn't a bad thing but I don't want to put that in his book.
So by now you are saying "write what you felt second, after the Down syndrome stuff". I couldn't, I got caught up in my own little pity party. Then I had HORRIBLE feelings that I am ashamed of "he won't ever read it, so why bother". What a scumbag mom!
But on a happier note I did read the "My dreams and hopes for you" section that I had filled in when I was pregnant. I am happy to report that my hopes and dreams haven't changed much. Basically I said I wanted him to be happy, no matter what he does in life just be happy (I remember my dad once told me that if I wanted to be a garbage woman he was ok with that as long as I was happy. That was probably the only thing I remember him saying, well, only good thing). Treat others with respect and if he chose to have children give them unconditional love (this was a little hard on me since they say that males with Ds can not reproduce...no mini Vinnie's).
Now that I have caused most of my family and possibly some of my new "Ds" family a little concern I will sign off. I am ok, I just needed a little vent. No need to check in on me.
