Sunday, January 3, 2010

Baby Book Blahs, a Pity Party for One...

EDITOR'S NOTE: This post originally appeared on My Holland, My Italy on June 5, 2008. It is reproduced here with the author's permission. Click here to see this post in its original context (which may include accompanying photos), to view existing comments and to leave a comment of your own.

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I tried to write a few things about what Vinnie is doing now, cooing and such, in his baby book. I guess I haven't written in it since the day after he was born. Basically it has some stuff from when I was pregnant like "My dreams and hopes for you are..." and it also has the date he was born with the weight and height. So I tried to fill in some other stuff but got really pissed. "My thought when you were born were..." I thought "Wow, you have Down syndrome". I could go on with the list of things it wanted me to fill in and I have two books for him so it's double but I will just say most of the answers were "Down syndrome". I wasn't all upset about it when he was born. I knew the moment I looked at him and I was fine with it. So it wasn't a bad thing but I don't want to put that in his book.

So by now you are saying "write what you felt second, after the Down syndrome stuff". I couldn't, I got caught up in my own little pity party. Then I had HORRIBLE feelings that I am ashamed of "he won't ever read it, so why bother". What a scumbag mom!

But on a happier note I did read the "My dreams and hopes for you" section that I had filled in when I was pregnant. I am happy to report that my hopes and dreams haven't changed much. Basically I said I wanted him to be happy, no matter what he does in life just be happy (I remember my dad once told me that if I wanted to be a garbage woman he was ok with that as long as I was happy. That was probably the only thing I remember him saying, well, only good thing). Treat others with respect and if he chose to have children give them unconditional love (this was a little hard on me since they say that males with Ds can not mini Vinnie's).

Now that I have caused most of my family and possibly some of my new "Ds" family a little concern I will sign off. I am ok, I just needed a little vent. No need to check in on me.